And you thought you were having
A Bad Day

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY? THINK AGAIN.

Just remember, it could be worse.....

Man hurt, Wife calls for help!

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin.The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. Now THAT is a bad day...

Cat "wacks" mans genitals!

True story!

A man was working in his kitchen under the sink one morning while his wife was at the store. Apparently there was a leak in the plumbing and it had caused some damage to the cabinet. This morning seemed to be a great day to examine the possible cause.

He was bent over with his head and shoulders wedged into the door opening with his butt in the air. With his falshlight he attempted to find a problem. He had a robe on and was in his slippers as he had no appointments and took the morning off work. Their cat became somewhat intrigued with his balls and after toying with them for a few minutes, Tabby gave them a good smack as they swung from left to right like a pendulem. Surprised and In pain, he attempted to get up rather quickly and struck his head on the drain trap. Bleeding and in pain and obviously imbarassed, he accessed 911 for help. The opterator restrained herself from laughing as he explained what happened and gave him some basic pre-arrival instructions. The ambulance was dispatched to a 45 year old male with minor: trauma / laceration.

When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics found the man in moderate distress waiting in the entrance to his home. They did a quick evaluation and asked some basic question. His towels had stopped the hemorrhaging and after looking at the injuries, they put the towels back and told him to continue holding direct pressure. They helped to secure his home and left a note for his wife explaining which hospital they would be going to. He was loaded onto the gurney and made as comfortable as possible.

The man, refused to elaborate on the exact details on how he lacerated his genitals and scalp, but as they carried him down a short flight of stairs he elaborated on the mechanism of injury.The paramedics caught off guard by his candor, they laughed: And the shear comedy of it all, lost their grip and dropped the gurney.

The man was admitted to the hospital with a hematoma and laceration to his occipital scalp, two full thickness laceration to his right scrotum and a compound open fracture to his left arm caused from the gurney dropping.

Seals saved from the EXXON Valdez Oil Spill

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. This process was taxing to the volunteers as well as the vetrinarians. After a brief news briefing they were prepared to be released back into Prince Williams Sound. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

About a minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Animal Rights Activates Protest a Slaughter House

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. They had camped out at the facility all week long and were becoming a nuisance of themselves and they workers were becoming frustrated. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

"Return to Sender" Don't forget the postage

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. After about one week or so, it came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

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